Wave --- #2 Book Review and The Sociological Imagination

Yvonne lian, 2020

In her memoir ‘wave,’ author Sonali Deraniyagala eloquently described the eulogy of grief after the loss of her entire family during a tsunami in Sri Lanka. Sonali was on vacation in a national wildlife park in Yala with her husband, two sons, Vikram and Mali, and her parents when the tsunami hits. Hours before the tsunami hits, she has a wonderful and fulfilled life, as one of her friends comment:” What you guys have is a dream.” However, this dream was quickly shattered on the morning of Dec. 26, 2004. Following the memoir, the author leads us through the different phases of her grief.

In the aftermath of the tsunami, she lived in her cousin’s house in Columbo. Yet, she couldn’t continue on her normal life as an economist in a well-established university in London. She couldn’t think about anything else but to commit suicide so that she can finally join her lost family. When all the components that make up her identity have gone, she struggles to find meaning in life. Around the first anniversary of the tsunami, she constantly harassed a Dutch family who occupied her house. Harassing that family was her only motivation to get up in the morning. Almost like a ghost in the house, she was punishing them for something they didn’t intend to do: reminding her of the life she should have. It also, ironically, coincides with the Dutch colonization of Sri Lanka, where Dutch citizens took over the land from the indigenous people.

More than 9000 tourists died because of this unpredictable nature force. But, more astoundingly, the tsunami caused by earthquakes crashed into villages along a vast stretch of Sri Lankan coast, killing more than 35,300 people and displacing millions. It disproportionately kills children, women, and older people, and left long-lasting impacts on the more vulnerable groups in the society: Age below five has a 31.8% mortality rate, and females have a 17.5% mortality rate compared to 8.2% for men. Those who have a housing income below 3000 rupees, 39 dollars, are more susceptible than those who earn more. Not only was the short-term mortality rate overwhelming, but the long term effects on those vulnerable groups are also startling.

Over 100,000 homes were fully or partially destroyed in Sri Lanka. Yet, despite the help from agencies, only around 6000 permanent homes have been build or repaired. Children from these families couldn’t receive the education they need to move out of the unfortunate circumstances. The tsunami damaged 182 public schools, four universities, and 26 vocational or technical training centers. Without proper education, the low levels of human capital will retain, and the poverty trap will transcend to the next generation. The adults also lost their jobs due to the disaster. Without shelter and income, families become even more defenseless.

For Sonali, she suffers from off-time loss, which is a socially unexpected loss. This differs from typical losses and maturational losses because the ones who suffer not only don’t have similar situations for social reference, they also have little peer support as they also don’t know how to react. People tend to follow a set of rules, even when dealing with emotions. According to Goffman’s dramaturgical model, if someone doesn’t follow the accepted scripts in a particular culture, they will be punished. Even when someone suffer from grief for a prolonged period of time, longer than what the convention deems ‘normal,’ they will receive less sympathy from others and be disenfranchised from that emotion. Other’s judgment and their failure to support her due to a lack of social interaction guidelines are some of the reasons why Sonali refrains herself from bringing up the topic and dodging the subject of this tragedy. Moreover, Clark extends this model and sees the expression of emotion as a strategic exchange. In the example of sympathy, people expect their gift of sympathy in return of gratitude, a psychic profit. People want to have a higher return rate, also known as sympathy marginal returns. In the case of Sonali, when her friends found that their sympathy does not match their expected appreciation, they withdrew their time to console her.

As aforementioned, Sonali’s identity as a mother and a wife is at the core of her selfhood. The mother identity is characterized by one’s role to care for their offspring; the wife’s status is described as the female partner in a marriage. Therefore, when the other party who is needed to safice that relationship is no longer present, she suffers from a sudden loss of identity. Who is she when she’s no longer a mother, a wife, and a daughter? According to the presentation of self, all of us are constantly performing our roles in society. Yet, in the case for Sonali, when she can longer perform as a caring mother, a loving wife, and an attending daughter, she is at loss from whom she should present to the society now when she no longer occupies these roles. Besides, society has profound judgement towards widows and women who lose their children. All of this, combined with survivor’s guilt, overwhelms her. However, motherhood and daughterhood, and marital status are continually changing and re-defined throughout one’s stages in life. Therefore, one can argue that she is still all of these roles but in an unusual status. Likewise, as she states in the book, only by keeping them (Steve, Vik, and Malli) close, can she continue to live her life.